Tight and Bright is Not Alright

What are the first things that come to mind when someone says "college theme party?"

Togas, obviously. Or CEOs/Secretary 'Hos. Right?

Wrong.

In this day and age, the number one college theme party sweeping the nation is (gag) Tight and Bright.

But seriously, who thought of this brilliant and extremely tired idea? Bros, obviously. The bros get to wear obnoxious nylon jogging jackets, flamboyant short-shorts that expose too much hairy thigh, and crazy-colored Nikes. And of course, the girls are as usual, dressed in tight gold lamé and 80s work out tights. Genius. 

Not really.

First off, I Lesley, as a girl, protest this theme. I love rocking the body con trend as much as anyone else -- nothing gets me more excited than a newly released, scandalous body suit from American Apparel -- but this party takes the fun out of leotards for me. Plus, I hate any color that's not black, so this automatically makes the "bright" aspect of the theme a challenge. And honestly, has anyone ever sweated to death in spandex before? Not pleasant. For some reason, guys like looking at half-naked, slick with sweat girls whose hair is a knotted mess and whose mascara is running down their faces. Not to mention the smell all the hot dancing bodies make. Ughhh. 

And as for the bros, you do realize all these tight and bright clothes come from hipster-central American Apparel, right? You claim the hipsters as your worst enemy with their flipped hair, skinny Gollum-like bodies, and penchant for wearing flannel, carrying back packs full of PBR, and dissing any lifestyle choice you might make (particularly music and drinking Smirnoff Ice). And yet with this obsession for the Tight and Bright theme, you're putting thousands and thousands of dollars into the hipster-making machine. Smart.

 vs.

So if I may make a suggestion, leave American Apparel to the hipsters and fashionable few who actually can wear a leotard without looking like a complete moron. If you throw a party, girls will wear tight clothes anyway. In fact, if I were a guy, toga parties would be my favorite. Come on, half-naked girls wrapped in bedsheets that are most likely going to fall off? 

I'm all about being current and trendy, but sometimes, it's best to stick with the classics.